Officer Mittens
Officer Mittens
Cat Distribution System · Patrol Division

Officer Mittens

A very small police officer with a very large hat. When a stray kitten picks its human, he shows up and makes it official.

Watch the cases Help a real kitten
Officer Mittens, a tuxedo kitten in a navy police uniform and an oversized hat, saluting.
Department records

Meet the officer

Name
Officer Mittens
Rank
Officer
Division
Cat Distribution System, Patrol
Badge
One gold star, polished daily
Height
One kitten (two with the hat)
Uniform
Navy, tie, belt, and a hat one size too big
Eyes
Green. Only slow blinks.
Cases
#3305 · #6021 · #8040 · #1147

Officer Mittens has been on duty since the day he found a police hat that didn't fit him. It still doesn't fit. He wears it anyway.

His job is simple. Somewhere, a stray kitten picks a human. Mittens arrives, opens a case file, and makes it official. So far he has processed a gardener with a suspicious flower pot, a kid walking home from the bus stop, a driver on a forest road, and a mechanic who opened the wrong panel. None of them resisted.

He is the only cat on the force who stands on two legs. Everyone else in the department is a regular kitten, and they all outrank him in naps.

Every case ends the same way: one kitten, one human, case closed.

Approved by Officer Mittens

From the department archives

Growing up

Before the badge, there was a very small kitten and a very large hat.

Baby Mittens asleep inside an upside-down police hat, paws over the brim.
File photo 01Day one. Found asleep in a police hat. Nobody asked questions.
Young Mittens wearing the police hat over his eyes, next to a height chart, well under the minimum height line.
File photo 02First time wearing the hat. Visibility: zero.
Mittens saluting in uniform in front of a chalkboard that says: Lesson 1, every stray gets a human.
File photo 03Police academy. Top of the class in sitting.
Mittens smiling with his gold star badge sparkling, confetti all around.
File photo 04Badge day. He polished the star twice.
Mittens holding a clipboard with a green check mark next to a happy cream kitten.
File photo 05First case. One kitten, one human, approved.
Mittens today in full uniform, waving hello.
File photo 06Today. Still waiting for the hat to fit.
Evidence locker

Shop

Stickers and pins of Officer Mittens. All profit from stickers is donated to cat rescues each month.

Red paw print stamp that says CASE CLOSED. Case Closed stamp Officer Mittens saluting in his uniform and droopy hat. The salute Officer Mittens' ID card: Cat Distribution System Enforcement Division, height 7 inches, known weakness cardboard boxes. Officer ID card Officer Mittens' mugshot in front of a height chart, holding a placard that says No. 0001. The mugshot
Visit the shop

Sold and shipped by Redbubble. Every link goes straight to the shop; this site doesn't take payments.

Real-life assignments

Help a real kitten

Officer Mittens is a cartoon. Shelter kittens are real, and many are waiting for a human right now. Here's how to help one.

Adopt

Meet cats and kittens from shelters and rescues near you. Many shelters have adult cats who are just as ready for a human.

Petfinder Adopt-a-Pet

Foster

Shelters need temporary homes, especially in spring and summer kitten season. Ask your local shelter or rescue about fostering. Many provide training and supplies.

Find local help Best Friends Animal Society

Found a kitten?

If it looks healthy, wait and watch from a distance first. Mom is often nearby and coming back. If a kitten looks sick or hurt, get it to a vet right away.

What to do Cat care guide

Officer Mittens doesn't collect donations and isn't affiliated with any of these organizations. Every link goes straight to them.

Case files, posted regularly

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